CHRISTOPHER Macarthur-Boyd is one of the country’s most exciting rising young comedians. Having performed across the world from Adelaide to Toronto, the Glasgow-born comic performs in his home town on March 15 as part of the Whyte and Mackay Glasgow International Comedy Festival, which runs from March 8 to March 25.

TODAY is Tuesday. Came up with some material for the next solo show, so I’ve booked in an unpaid spot at a pub in Woodlands to try it. The following is my expectations for the day versus the unflinching disappointment of reality.

9am. Expectation: wake up early, slam a cappuccino pod in the Tassimo, brainstorm some ideas for tonight.

Reality: Many comedians are drawn to stand-up due to a need for the attention and validation of strangers, a desire usually rooted in some kind of childhood trauma (sexual or otherwise). To me, the main appeal is that you can have a long lie until the late afternoon and still not be late for work. Last night I stayed up to watch WWE Raw, a weekly three-hour-long programme which ends at four in the morning. Due to my love of wrestling, I have a nocturnal sleeping pattern usually reserved for koalas in captivity. Probably get up between noon and two.

2pm. Expectation: a lot of time in comedy, you take inspiration from your heroes. I will emulate one of my idols, Brian Limond, aka Limmy, by creating some starkly original online content.

Reality: A lot of time in comedy, you take inspiration from your heroes. I will emulate one of my idols, Brian Limond, aka Limmy, by sitting and playing Overwatch on Playstation 4 for three hours straight.

5pm. Expectation: my girlfriend usually finishes work around this time. Thankfully, having a lot of free time during the day, I’ve done all the household tasks so that she can come home to a clean home and not feel cheated by the universe that she shares her life with me.

Reality: oh god. She’s home in less than an hour, and I have done nothing. Nothing, for hours. I quickly make the bed with one of those flourishes like a magician who whips off a tablecloth but leaves all the glassware intact, except instead of champagne flutes it’s the empty plastic packaging of a festive 30-pack of ready-to-eat pork cocktail sausages that I grazed on one- handedly while playing Overwatch. That’ll do.

7.30pm. Expectation: jump on the Subway. Look over the notes for the new material.

Reality: jump on the Subway. Write the new material.

8.30pm. Expectation: The Comedy Creche at Dram! is run by Chris Henry, and is the perfect place to try new material. It strikes a healthy balance between the vast majority of open mics, which are soul-destroying, and Red Raw at the Stand, where the crowd is so up-for-it that you might not get an accurate understanding of how funny an idea is. It’ll either go very well, or very badly, with not much leeway at all in between. Aim to be home by one in the morning, as that is when Smackdown! starts.

Reality: Pretty much nailed it, actually.

March 15, The Stand, Glasgow, 7pm, £10, £9 concs. Tel: 0141 212 3389.