Saturday, June 10
DOCTOR WHO, BBC1, 7.15pm
THE geeks at NASA are doing one of their famous countdowns when they are rudely interrupted by The Doctor, Bill and Nardole. “Don’t mind us,” The Doctor says politely. “Friendly aliens.”
Everyone is gathered at NASA to await the transmission of photos from the surface of Mars. When the pictures finally come through they’re quite surprising. Instead of barren stretches of red dust and craggy rock, the photos show someone has spelled out a message on the planet’s surface: God Save The Queen.
The trio head to Mars to search for the inhabitants; there must be patriotic, royalist life forms up there!
But they don’t find wee aliens waving Union Flags. Instead, they discover the Ice Warriors, an army who have been stirred to life to do battle against an invasion force from Victorian England.
In this story, British imperialism didn’t stop at Africa but stretched to outer space, and the Ice Warriors are ready to defend their planet – but whose side is The Doctor on?
THE ROYAL ACADEMY SUMMER EXHIBITION, BBC2, 7pm
YOU might be feeling slightly grubby, grumpy and grizzled after the shocks of election night. I was still dopey from lack of sleep when I wrote this and not quite sure what day it was. Watching in such an addled state, this programme is a tonic: you can watch it and let the lovely art wash over your tired eyes and light up your weary face. Kirsty Wark takes us on a tour of the Royal Academy’s galleries in advance of their Summer Exhibition, which is known all over the world for mixing the work of famous artists with that of brave newcomers.
Each year, they ask for contributions from all sorts of artists, whether they’re a members of the jet-set elite, or pursuing their dreams from a damp, poky flat. They usually receive about 12,000 submissions.
Tonight we’ll get a preview of those which have been selected this year, and will meet some of the artists.
I’m no expert on art, so I’ll be using this show as something pleasant and pretty after the exhausting marathon of politics we’ve all been through.
Sunday, June 11
POLDARK, BBC1, 9pm
THE new series begins as you knew it would: with footage of the foaming sea, the black rocks and the high cliffs. Elizabeth’s horse goes thundering past, but she’s not out for an exhilarating ride. The animal has bolted, and the heavily pregnant rider is in danger of falling. Ross happens to be trotting by and comes to the rescue, only for George Warleggan to catch him caressing his wife’s bridle. He warns him not to lay hands on any of his possessions again “or you will find the battle has barely begun!”
Though he claims ownership of Elizabeth he’s not too keen on her little blond son, a pesky Poldark, and begins planning to send him to boarding school. But the lad won’t be bullied. Instead, he begins visiting Ross and poking George with reminders he is a proud Poldark and will never take the name of Warleggan.
Despite the pregnancy and the fact the baby may not be Ross’s, he and Demelza try to find peace together, but this is broken when her brother appears at the farm with bad news.
THE LOCH, STV, 9pm
THERE’S a body in the loch and, for once, it’s not that of a young woman. A man has been killed, then tethered to a curling stone and dropped into the murky waters.
But forget all that: we then turn to another murder entirely. We also get involved in the tedious lives of the locals and see some young scamps making a fake Nessie for the shore of Loch Ness. The murder in this opening episode is that of a young gay man. Found at the foot of some cliffs, he has gashes on his wrists that were obviously not caused by the fall.
The local cops can’t handle it, especially when a human heart is found and it seems “something’s had a wee chew at it”, so a grumpy detective is brought up from Glasgow who announces: “You’ve a cold-blooded predator in your town.”
Starring Laura Fraser, last seen in BBC’s The Replacement, this new crime drama is a bit silly. I’ll admit I felt obliged to watch it as it’s Scottish, but you’d do far better to opt for The Handmaid’s Tale on Channel 4 which is especially shocking tonight, dealing with the terrible fate of Ofglen.
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