THERESA May met with the leaders of the devolved administrations this week, and had a face to face with Nicola Sturgeon and the Scottish Government. It was the second time in a week that the UK Prime Minister was indulged by people who hold more cards than she does. The Prime Minister has called for a “grown up” relationship between Whitehall and Holyrood, by which she means that Whitehall is the grown up and Holyrood the child which will do as it’s told.

Scotland has been told that it’s not to try to speak to the grown ups of Europe without adult permission. It’s to eat up its big bowl of Brexit cereal, the one with the unspecified ingredients. Scotland won’t be allowed to undermine Downing Street’s Brexit strategy, but Downing Street refuses to tell anyone what that strategy is. It’s becoming more obvious that the reason May won’t discuss her strategy is because she doesn’t possess one.

The truth is that it’s the Scottish Government which is making the running, and all Number 10 is willing to do is to offer a few worthless platitudes. If we’re really lucky, Theresa will throw in some beads, mirrors, and pox-ridden blankets to sweeten the deal. And that’s exactly what she’s done. May has offered to give the devolved administrations a “direct line” to David Davis’s office in the belief that Scotland will be happy that its wishes will be respected because 10 Downing Street has said: “Don’t call us, we’ll call you. But you can speak to our semi-trained monkey.”

Davis would be the guy who came to Scotland last week to throw poo at the idea that Scotland could get any sort of special Brexit deal. He’s the guy who stands up before the House of Commons to tell everyone that Brexit means Brexit means Brexit. He’s not actually sure what it means in any detail, and even if he was he wouldn’t tell anyone else. But Brexit is going to be grand. It’s going to be fabulous. It’s going to involve lots of bunting and patriotic feel goodness.

David Davis is blessed with many skills and talents, foremost amongst them the ability to make Fluffy Mundell seem like a reasonable human being. Davis is the Brexit robot, utterly convinced by the sound of his own voice, programmed to tell us what marvellous opportunities Brexit will unleash irrespective of what question is asked of him in the vain hope that if he keeps saying the same thing the rest of us will be convinced by it too. Scotland is just a minor irritation that keeps complaining, the kid that wants to play a different game, a grown up game.

A direct line to an ideologue like Davis is as much use to Scotland in getting a special deal on Brexit as plugging an internet router into a pile of horse manure and hoping to get connected to the world. In fact all it’s going to get you is Restore Sovereignty Take Back Control on a repeating loop. The Conservatives better be careful or they are going to find that the Scottish Government will take them at their word.

According to the BBC, sources close to Number 10 say that the Conservatives intend to play hard ball with Nicola Sturgeon. Which is an interesting tactic from a UK Government which has no plan, no strategy, no game, and certainly no balls. The Prime Minister is convinced that the Scottish Government is bluffing, said the eager BBC reporter, there’s no appetite in Scotland for a second independence referendum, and because Westminster has comprehensively trashed the Scottish economy the entire place is a basket case. All that Theresa May needs to do is to act tough and those spineless Scots will back down.

The City of London can have a special EU deal. Other sectors of the economy whose directors have ties to the Tories can have a special EU deal. But Scotland can do what it’s told. There will be no special deal for Scotland, despite the fact that during the first independence referendum campaign Theresa May was one of those who assured us that Scotland was an equal partner amongst the nations of the UK. It turns out that statement is as meaningless as Brexit means Brexit.

Earlier this week the think tank Institute for Government published a report warning that the failure of the British Government to respect the different desires and needs of the devolved nations of the UK risked breaking up the Union. Theresa May can have her hard Brexit, or she can have her UK. She can’t have both. Despite that, May’s Government has already ruled out allowing Holyrood to have more powers over trade and some control of immigration, it’s said no to a Holyrood vote on Brexit, and it’s set its face against allowing Scotland to remain in the single market while the rest of the UK leaves. It’s adopting this hardline stance because Theresa May’s Government is infected with the same disease that has afflicted all previous British Goverments in modern times, the same disease that has brought the UK to its current sorry state of affairs – the arrogant and unfounded belief that it holds all the cards when all it clutches is a joker and a memory of kings and queens of an empire long past.

Theresa May is about to discover that she wants to play hard ball with a Government which does actually have a ball to play with. This is what happens when you rely on Fluffy Mundell and Buffalo Ruth for directions to negotiate your way across the Scottish political landscape. Ruth is only capable of negotiating her way to her next hilarious photo op, while Fluffy still needs someone to hold his hand so he can cross the road.

Despite what Ruth and her pals say, there’s a mandate for a second independence referendum. There’s a majority in the Scottish Parliament for a second independence referendum. There’s a good half of the Scottish population that supports independence. There’s a Scotland which has the most politically aware and active population in Europe and the knowledge and skills and experience to mount another grass roots movement that can reach the entire country.

That’s before the banks and other businesses have started to relocate to other EU countries. That’s before the pound has completed its plunge in value. And most importantly of all, that’s before a revived and reinvigorated independence movement has even started to campaign formally.


Kevin McKenna: We are all living in Little England now and we have to like it, or lump it