THE Unionist establishment must be really worried about losing a second independence referendum because Gordie Broon has decided to intervene for the very first time, again, and we’re not even officially campaigning yet. There was us thinking that Hallowe’en was a few days ago and along comes Gordie rising from his crypt to make meaningless groans and moans about federalism and to scare us about independence. But then he always was behind the times.
To be fair, Gordie would have been back from the political grave on Hallowe’en itself in order to make his latest portentous pronouncement, but it takes a few days to defrost him.
Gordie’s taken to the press releases to warn us that Scotland could be entering a groundhog decade. And he ought to know, because Scotland experiences groundhog day every time
Gordie intervenes for the very first time to tell us all that what we really need in order to save the Labour Party’s skin, sorry, to save Scotland, is a healthy dose of federalism. We’ve heard it all before from BBC Scotland’s last Labour statesman standing.
There are fewer brass necks more brassy and necky than Gordie’s. There is no-one on this planet with poorer self-awareness, with the possible exception of Donald Trump. Gordie’s shamelessness knows no bounds because here he comes with his radical new plan to save the Union even though when he was in office as prime minister and actually had the power to introduce some of these reforms that he tells us are so vital, he dug in his heels and refused to countenance any further devolution.
Gordie might hope that we have memories as short and selective as his own, but those of us who were paying attention during the first independence referendum campaign – and I love saying the first because it implies there’s going to be another – clearly recall that he said very similar things during the summer of 2014. Gordie swore on a copy of the Bible without Michael Gove’s name on it that his moral compass was very firmly pointing to full-fat federalism if Scotland voted against independence.
Safer, faster, better change, he said. We were in for the nearest thing possible to federalism in a state which has egos like Gordie’s in it, he said. Never mind your poxy devo-max, a Scotland that voted No was in for super-dooper devo-super-max.
It was going to be like devo-max but even better. It would be the Great British Bake Off Devo Max as opposed to some home-cooked programme about scones on a minor channel that Scotland wasn’t going to be allowed to have because we can’t be trusted with broadcasting.
And Gordie was personally going to stay in the offices of David Cameron, Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg, like a suspicious and persistent stain on the carpet, until they fulfilled the Vow that Gordie had arranged for them on faux-parchment paper on the front cover of a tabloid newspaper.
You can trust me to make sure that this promise is kept, growled the Gordosaur. And then as soon as the No vote was secured, he vanished in a puff of self-righteous smoke, back into his crypt to sulk in silence. The lid of the deep freezer was firmly shut on any prospect of federalism and Gordie said nothing.
All the way through the Smith Commission discussions, Gordie was nowhere to be seen as the cobwebs accumulated on the promises of safer, faster, better change.
He returned to being a superannuated back-bench opposition MP in a parliament he couldn’t be bothered attending, before stepping down entirely the following May when he decided he wanted to spend more time with his grudges. His party, the only one in which he could possibly exert any real influence, was more opposed to extra powers for the Scottish Parliament than the Tories themselves. Gordie said nothing.
Every time there’s the prospect of independence for Scotland, however remote or distant, some figure from the past pops up to tell us that we can have federalism instead. The same people who opposed substantial devolution while they were in power, when they actually had the means to do something about it, sing a different tune when the Union’s threatened with the political grave. A federal carrot gets dangled, then it’s wheeched away as soon as the threat recedes to go back into the crypt with Gordie.
Gordie wants us to build a better Britain, a fairer Britain, a Britain that allows the different parts of the Union to express their differences, but not so much that Scotland can stay in the EU, or even have a national public-service broadcaster of its own. Safer change, but safer for Westminster, not for Scotland. The man from the crypt wants us to build a Britain that we can all believe in. It’s just a pity for him that no-one outside Pacific Quay believes in Gordie.
Why are you making commenting on The National only available to subscribers?
We know there are thousands of National readers who want to debate, argue and go back and forth in the comments section of our stories. We’ve got the most informed readers in Scotland, asking each other the big questions about the future of our country.
Unfortunately, though, these important debates are being spoiled by a vocal minority of trolls who aren’t really interested in the issues, try to derail the conversations, register under fake names, and post vile abuse.
So that’s why we’ve decided to make the ability to comment only available to our paying subscribers. That way, all the trolls who post abuse on our website will have to pay if they want to join the debate – and risk a permanent ban from the account that they subscribe with.
The conversation will go back to what it should be about – people who care passionately about the issues, but disagree constructively on what we should do about them. Let’s get that debate started!
Callum Baird, Editor of The National
Comments: Our rules
We want our comments to be a lively and valuable part of our community - a place where readers can debate and engage with the most important local issues. The ability to comment on our stories is a privilege, not a right, however, and that privilege may be withdrawn if it is abused or misused.
Please report any comments that break our rules.
Read the rules here