At the stert o this year, a puckle o folk that dinnae like the Scots language tried tae bully this newspaper.
They failed.
Insteid they succeedit in settin in motion a rammy aboot Scots that’s got folk thinkin, talkin and flytin aboot the leid in weys they’ve no done for years, if ever. And by gode, this country wis needin it.
Looks like the stooshie will hae nae trouble at aw keepin gaun aw by itsel. And this column, freend o Scots speakers ivrywherr, wid never dream o whuppin the peerie o ootrage again or girdin the cleek o controversy. Weel, mibbe juist a bittie.
It aw kicked aff when the noo-famous “Gallus Edition” o The National went wi an entire front page prentit in the Scots language. That wis a brammer o a move. A belter. But blate it wisnae. It wis a reid cloot. A stertin pistol. The majority that read it agreed wi it and shawed their support aw ower social media.
A pro-independence newspaper maks a statement aboot ane o Scotland’s national leids? Aboot time, said the mony. Mair o the same, still ithers demandit. The positive consensus wis, “Haw, The National, gaun yersels!”
But there wis anither cry. Anither voice. And it wis bealin.
Embarrassment, it said. Whit a joke! Nonsense! Naebody speaks like that. Never heard anyone speak Scots in my life. Scots? No such language. Slang, Slang. Slang. Slang!
And backward. Parochial. Keech. Dialect. Corrupt. Cringe. A non language. Not a language!
A Scottish newspaper prents its heidlines in Scots and the negative view wis, “Haw, The National, gonnae shut it!”
That day, that bricht cauld January day, The National jined the rank o aw the millions o Scots speakers doon the years that were telt exactly the same guff by similar crabbit snippit voices.
Speak properly. Don’t talk like that. Inferior. Uneducated. Oary. Keelie. Teuchter. You’ll no get a job. Ye’ll never dae onythin wi yer life.
But The National’s front page wisnae punters talkin aboot the fitba or weans in the street or a poem by Rabbie. Common but whit can ye dae? And Burns, that’s juist wance a year sae that’s OK. But heidlines in slang? Real news wi makey-up words? The language o the unwaashed wis suddenly there wi its clarty bitts strampin on the haly groond o a serious newspaper.
And the folk that canna thole the Scots language did whit folk that canna thole the Scots language ayewis dae. Programmed tae jump on it, they jamp. But lowped that wee bit higher and come doon that wee bit harder because this time somethin wis different.
Scottish newspapers shouldnae be in Scots, should they? The narrative o the independence movement cannae be in this embarrassin slang, can it? How can we be a modern forward-lookin nation wi this auld deid thing o a dialect hingin roon oor necks? Scots, whitever it is, has nae place here.
Or as the prophet-poet Tom Leonard wance pit it, “This is thi six a clock news. Belt up.”
Fine and weel dishin it oot tae Scots-speakin adults. We’re big folk. We can tak it. Caw oor language slang? Look up “slang” in the dictionary, then get back tae us. Language o the gutter? Language o Hume, Burns, Mary Slessor, James Clerk Maxwell, Stevenson, Jamie the Saxt and his maw, Mary Queen o Scots. And a daily like The National has braid shooders. Watter aff a deuk’s back.
But whit aboot when we criticise the Scots language o young Scots speakers? Whit does it dae, for example, tae a five-year-auld?
There a crisis in education the noo, they tell us. The attainment o weans in poorer communities is no as high as that o bairns in mair affluent anes. It’s aboot self-belief, experts hiv stated. Learners need self-belief tae, ken, learn. Said experts hae foond oot less weel-aff bairns hivnae got enough o it.
The maist deprived communities in Scotland juist happen tae be fu o great Scots speakers. Wid ye credit that, eh?
And how come sae mony bairns fae impoverished Scots-speakin communities dinnae hae enough confidence? The Scottish Government is pouin its hair oot the noo tryin tae work it oot.
Weel, tell a wean at crucial stages o his or her development their mither tongue is slang, worthless and nae guid. That’d dae it.
Reinforce that by ainly teachin a bairn’s first language wance a year and dinnae be shocked when, in an English-speakin education environment, weans fae Scots-speakin backgroonds hae lower attainment than weans fae English-speakin backgroonds.
And whaur are oor politicians on this? Whaur are the SNP MPs that that swore in tae Westmeenister lest year in Scots? They made history. It wis talked aboot and wis guid profile for the language. Weel done for daein it.
But wis that juist a gesture? A nod tae their local Burns clubs? Or wis it genuine solidarity wi Scots speakers in their constituencies, especially the weans? Mibbe aw thae MPs and MSPs that taen their aiths in baith Pairlaments in Scots will finally shaw they mean it and vigorously challenge the invidious prejudice against the Scots language that hauds back sae mony o oor bairns.
Awbody has the richt tae say onythin they waant aboot onythin, within reason. Free speech, free warld. But I equally hae the richt tae speak and write, within reason, in ony wey I please.
And I absolutely hae the richt tae speak and write in the Scots language. I’m no sayin this juist because I’m a thrawn carnaptious Scottish writer, tho that micht hae somethin tae dae wi it. Ma richt tae talk and write in Scots is bieldit by a wheen UN Declarations on Human Richts.
As wis The National’s richt tae publish its front page in Scots. Some folk didnae like it. Ithers did. Plenty folk said they wantit tae see mair, no less, Scots in The National newspaper.
And see nixt time, when the hoodies croak for doom. Mind, we’ve gote yer back.
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