COMRADES, Kezia Dugdale can appear on University Challenge all she wants, but it won’t change the fact that she’s the Weakest Link in a party heading for Total Wipeout! Labour’s latest attempt at political rebound was their proposed 1p increase to the income tax rate. This was less a durable solution and more a chance to make a song and dance about the SNP, making one wonder if Dugdale’s stratagem consists of walking around Labour HQ with an empty teacup asking for someone to put a storm in it.

Presently, Grandmaster Swinney does not wish to make any major changes to fiscal policy until after our new monetary powers have been settled with Westminster. John is thinking long-term, not wishing to implement major changes when more viable options may become available to us in mere weeks. However, that’s not to say inaction should go unchallenged; it just so happens that Labour’s proposal was about as effective as a mime in a blind people’s convention.

Increasing tax rates while Westminster is still funding nuclear armaments and the corrupt fudricks at Google is as irrational as it is futile. Scottish Labour, as always, are so lost trying to nurse the symptoms, they’re not doing anything to cure the illness. Worse yet, seemingly everyone but Scottish Labour can see this! It’s almost an accomplishment on Labour’s part that they were able to conceive an economic policy so inexplicable it momentarily united the SNP and libertarians in condemning it. I guess it’s true that Labour have united Scotland, but only in the sense that people of all political persuasions can be equally baffled by their conclusions!

The idea of taxing the poor instead of better utilizing our present resources is about as welcome as Katie Hopkins in a mosque. Of course, if Scotland had a penny for every time Labour made a political blunder, the income tax rate would be at zero. In a move straight from the Jim Murphy compendium of political gaffes, Labour defended their latest economic notion by proudly proclaiming that “one in four taxpayers won’t pay more”, to which everyone with a brain quickly responded “So, three in four will?” If Scottish Labour were a pantomime act, they’d have been booed off stage ages ago.

As I’ve indicated on numerous occasions, a parliament is at its sexiest when it has a great government and an equally brilliant opposition party. Labour have spectacularly failed in the latter role and Nicola Sturgeon has reaped the benefits accordingly. At this stage, the SNP’s campaign tactic might as well be strutting through Edinburgh dancing to Don’t Stop the Party. Now as much as anything that forwards the independence movement is a good thing, there is a part of me that grows ever frustrated with Labour’s inability to confront the Scottish Government in a manner that doesn’t ultimately prove self-defeating.

Perhaps my wayward nature grants me an aptitude for playing devil’s advocate, but I’ve always been able to see the SNP’s positives as clearly as their negatives. For example, pointing out the Scottish Government consistently gives money to Amazon, a notorious tax evader, might’ve proved a more eye-catching and warranted takedown for Labour than some fruitless taxation policy. After all, a Government handing contributions to a levy-dodging corporation is the political equivalent of urinating into the wind.

Naturally, Scottish Labour have consistently maintained that such suggestions are wrong and any criticisms of them are equally undeserved. Furthermore, they apparently see no correlation between these denunciations and their dependably declining approval rating. Jim Murphy, like his successor, opted to ignore these warning signs, and led Labour to a humiliating defeat in the General Election as a result. I predict Kezia Dugdale is about to make the same mistake. A party in such a perilous position should perhaps listen to its critics as well as its supporters. Otherwise, Scottish Labour are going to end up as a tawdry political nostalgia act. Should this become the case, I hope they’ve at least got a few catchy tunes to perform at Troon beach this summer!

Due to the peculiar steadiness of Labour stupidity and an unwelcome increase in Union Jack flag-humping, I believe the Scottish Conservatives may do well in 2016. However, due to the Scottish Conservatives being the Scottish Conservatives, I also expect them to make a tremendous hash out of their newfound popularity and offend a great number of people in doing so.

It appears that the only Scottish Labour voters left are the mindless sorts that always vote for the same political party because “ma da did”. However, the prospect of an SNP/Tory parliament is a concerning one. A singular unionist voice arguing with a singular nationalist voice is unlikely to generate anything but terrible journalism and stumbling politics. We have already seen the utter futility of this in the shape of David Mundell, who continues to meddle in Scottish affairs like a rash without ointment. My hope is that the Yes Movement will do what it does best and stand for diversity and change. A wide-ranging spectrum of ideas, represented by multiple pro-independence parties, standing against the repugnant ways of the Tories should lead to the sort of sexy discussion that’ll result in the referendum victory we so desperately need!