I AM selling out newsagents; the Labour Party are just selling out! Calling them an “opposition” party is like calling an army a "peace-force”.
Given their response to this week’s debate, it seems clear they’re as much against the Tories as they were against the Iraq War! But then, how can Labour be an effective opposition when it’s opposed to itself? It was built on the foundations of socialism but over the last 20 years it has become blinded by unionism.
Labour’s General Election defeat was due to its unwillingness to work with the Progressive Alliance. Miliband’s bizarre refusal to lead a united left against the Tories was his downfall; in a manner of speaking, he out-Clegged Nick Clegg! Of course, nobody within Labour wants to admit this, and their analysis has concluded it has become “too left-wing” – which is hogwash! The fact Labour doesn’t even know why it sucks is exactly why it’s getting humped in the polls, and why we’re now witnessing a cringeworthy leadership contest.
Traditionally, Labour was represented by hard-working characters. Now it’s represented by non-working caricatures; the political equivalent of Blind Date contestants. It’s extraordinary that at such a historically significant time as this, Labour has pushed such inept people into such significant roles. If fudricks could fly, the Labour Party would be an airport!
The triumvirate of Cooper, Kendall and Burnham seem more keen on sabotaging each other’s chance of the leadership than bettering their party. Their abstention from voting on the Welfare Bill and Finance Bill seemed to confirm that all three are in bed with the Tories, along with the majority of their party, and it looks like everyone’s happy to make it a long-term relationship!
Labour have gone from being a “party of the people” to a party who don’t seem to like people. If they wish to counter this criticism they should put a socialist in charge but, unfortunately, they seem determined to avoid this outcome. Jeremy Corbyn, of all the candidates, is clearly the man for the job. He wants the party to distance itself from the Tories and bring an end to austerity. It’s a shame such sensible thinking is being dismissed by a bunch of New Labour noodleheads who sleep beneath posters of Tony Blair!
British politics has a peculiar habit of allowing those who break the country to preach about how to fix it. Blair is no exception to this rule and so Tony rose from his abyss of affluence to give a morally bankrupt take on the leadership race. His out-of-touch testimony consisted of belittling Corbyn’s electability, calling Nationalists “cavemen” and, worst of all, disparaging Star Trek by comparing it to Ed Miliband’s election campaign!
Blair’s archaic ramblings generated precisely the opposite response they were supposed to, with his evil presence lending an almost saintly glow to the targets of his bile. If anything, Blair putting his head above his parapet of prosperity simply offered Corbyn the chance to score another headshot on the politics he wishes to end.
Corbyn undoubtedly finds the idea of Labour, the supposed representative of working Britain, listening to a man who earned £330k for a 20-minute speech on world hunger shameful. Also, it’s ironic Blair has been talking about the human heart with regards to Corbyn, when the past 20 years have convinced me Tony doesn’t have one.
Labour’s response to this week’s votes may prove to be their crowning achievement in self-destruction. Their leadership contest may be the final test to see if England wants #SexySocialism at all. In the end, there can only be so many second chances before Scotland calls for another independence referendum!
Angry Salmond is a political lampooner. Follow him on Twitter @AngrySalmond and on Facebook
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